Advent 1: Every Yes Must Be Defended By a Thousand No’s

I don’t know who it was that said this, but it’s true:

Every “yes” must be defended by a thousand “nos.”

The “Yesses” in life for me has often arrived with a bright glow — yes to a new project, yes to changing the color of a room, or taking a trip, or getting married and — especially, yes to becoming a mother.  The glow is often blinding…..God’s and nature’s way of knocking us off our rational commuter platforms long enough to commit to something that will inevitably change our direction entirely.

Today is the beginning of the Advent season in the Christian calendar, marked by the story of the angel’s announcement to Mary that she is, miraculously, “with child” through no action of her own.  Will she accept the honor of bearing the son of God?

It is a time of candles in windows, and as the month proceeds, sparkly lights on trees.  A time of glow and promise and hope.

Yes, she answers, in the beautiful words of the prayer we know as the Magnificat.

But wait.  Immediately, she sets off into a vail of tears.  The gauntlet of her betrothed’s doubts and anguish, the need to flee their village for her protection, the long journey to be counted for the census, the desolate birth in an animal’s pen, and then the flight to another country, to protect her “yes” from Herod’s program of infanticide.

At every stage, after her yes, hers is a story of renunciation, of peeling away layers of family identity, her childhood history, her dreams of comfort and happiness.  One can only imagine.

The path of “yes” is certainly a path of growth, creativity, of making a difference in the world through our gifts.  But it is also a path of sacrifice and pain — of giving up, relinquishing, shouldering loss, disappointment, and — as Mary would discover 33 years later — a parent’s ultimate loss, her child.  We only learn the sacrifices we will be called to make on behalf of our “yesses” through time and the trials of experience.

Would she do it again?  Would we — whatever “yes” we choose to hold up to reflection this morning?  What “yesses” still speak to us?  And what “nays” must we declare, in order to protect their integrity?

Ours is a culture that has a far easier time with the “yes” than with those pesky “nays” of sacrifice, renunciation, and self-discipline.  We find ourselves with conflicting “yesses” — a crowded field of them — all the time.  In my naivete, or neediness or failure to understand my limits, I have arrived at points in life where I am forced to survey the yesses and discover that some of them pull me closer to my core values and others, sometimes tantalizing, just don’t.

I want to write; I want to be an artist.  I want to be an engaged parent; I want to be a carefree adventurer, globe-trotting the planet.  I want to be loved; I want to be alone.  I want professional success and recognition; I want a secure and meaningful home life.  I want excitement and variety; I want truth – not always the same thing, by a long shot.

Pruning is the ongoing task in midlife, and as one gets older it becomes ever more essential.

Where is my advice wanted and needed, and where must I withdraw?  Where can I make a difference, and where am I just holding onto something I ought to release?  What has lived its natural life and needs to be surrendered?  What must go, in order for me to discover the new “yesses” that God has in mind for me?

When we say yes, we enter into a daily, hourly, convenant of commitment.  There are no days off for the things that truly matter.

We must learn to say “no” to temptations and escapes, but also to self doubt, anxiety, the urge to give up and turn back.  We must be ready to draw on reserves of stamina and love and patience we don’t know we have until our “yesses” demands it.  No to distraction, bad habits, easy solutions.  No to despair.

Every yes exposes us to risk, vulnerability, uncertainty, and change.  As we light the first candle of Advent, let us pause before the enormity of this truth.

 

And then, let us be thankful for the glow that, in this dark time, has begun to spin the warmth of new “yesses” in our lives.